Some Super Short Stories:

Love Can Hurt-

Until recently, Beatrix Umbra was having a difficult time with her chronic constipation. She decided to try a new product she found online by way of a pop-up advertisement called, Dr. Philum’s Extra Strength Prune Juice!!!™. The bolded word ‘extra’ and the three exclamation points excited Beatrix so much she immediately purchased two whole cases of the new found wonder juice with a buy-one-get-one-free-for-the-same-price coupon. She didn’t quite understand how the coupon worked, but she wasn’t too concerned with the nitty-gritty details. The warning label which clearly stated, in Spanish, that one should not drink an excess of three sips of a can daily. Beatrix, who had a limited knowledge of Spanish, consumed three cans of Dr. Philum’s Extra Strength Prune Juice!!!™ in a matter of moments. Shortly thereafter, Beatrix Umbra became famous for spending the next seven years of her life on the toilet.

My Grandfather's Wristwatch-

Our hero, Steven Borgman, sat patiently awaiting customers at the corner of 5th and Bank as he did everyday. People like Mr. Borgman were few and far between; the highly specialized field of grandfather wristwatch repairmen was a well respected and honored profession. Not to mention, Mr. Borgman was also the leading salesman of Lemonade Today; a popular magazine on the west side of town. Borgman was extraordinarily successful until one fateful day when Terrence Yetz, a hotshot from out of town, blew in and set up his grandfather and great-grandfather wristwatch repair stand on the opposite side of 5th and Bank. Not only did Yetz have a more highly specialized and prestigious profession, but he sold the up and coming magazine, Lemonade Digest.  Borgman, though furious, was powerless in the situation. Lemonade Digest was clearly a better magazine.

Frozen Eggs-

Gregory Krabbobolis, lead driver of a sizable shipment comprising primarily of frozen penguin eggs, was destined for the infamous Giampaolo Bed and Breakfast.  Frozen penguin eggs are a delicacy beyond compare within the small eastern Italian providence of Friuli Venezia. Unbeknownst to Gregory and his delivery company, this particular Italian providence was heavily influenced by the mafia. A small entrepreneurial collective of Friuli Venezian cultural enthusiasts who called themselves the S.S. Lazio, were located in the small town of Bonanza, Arkansas. The Giampaolo B&B was hosting the annual soirée, and as expected there would be an all-you-can-eat buffet containing a spectacular variety of frozen penguin eggs. Gregory unsuccessfully argued with his manager about his chronic medical condition, Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome in addition to recent complaints from fellow delivery drivers over the smell in the shared cab, reluctantly respected the requests of his fellow drivers. He stopped at every gas station from Anchorage, Alaska, the location of Frozen Eggs R Us, to Bonanza. The quick, yet frequent stops were numerous enough to affect the temperature of the refrigerated trailer so much so that majority of the eggs became thawed, rotten and thoroughly ruined. Four days later, Mr. Krabbobolis was found in a hotel room in Manfred, North Dakota. A single .45 caliber round was in the back of his head. Police investigators deemed the incident a suicide. However, many reports inciting foul play concerning the incident appeared on various internet blogs.